My Daily Bible Roll

At the time, I was exhausted in the way that sleep wasn’t going to help. I had spent years working, raising my family, being the responsible one, worrying about money and feeling scared, all while I was doing what needed to be done, because that is what you do. But along the way, I started wondering when I was going to feel like my life belonged to me again. I was getting older, retirement didn’t feel nearly as secure as I thought it would, and I had this uncomfortable feeling that I had spent so much time taking care of what was right in front of me that I had stopped asking myself what I wanted the rest of my life to look like.

When everything looks fine from the outside

I wasn’t falling apart. From the outside, everything probably looked fine. I went to work. I handled things. I kept moving. But inside, I was questioning a lot. Was this it? Was I just supposed to keep working, paying bills, worrying about everyone I loved, and hope somehow I would eventually feel settled? I knew I was capable of more, but I also had all the same doubts women have when they get to this age. Maybe I waited too long. Maybe I should just be grateful for what I have. Maybe wanting something different now is unrealistic.

What “Arise, shine” meant to me

Not long ago, I came across the words:

Arise, shine; for thy light is come, and the glory of the LORD is risen upon thee.

Isaiah 60:1

What struck me was the word arise. It didn’t say wait until you feel ready. It didn’t say wait until everything is figured out. It said arise.

To me, that meant get up. Stop hiding behind fear. Stop assuming that because one part of my life had passed, I had missed my chance and it was too late. I had spent enough years wondering whether I could change things. At some point, I had to actually move.

And “shine” hit me differently too. I didn’t hear it as something loud or flashy. I heard it as permission to believe. To use what I had learned. To trust that my age, my mistakes, the hard years, and everything I had walked through had not disqualified me from my future.

That verse didn’t magically fix my circumstances. I still had decisions to make. I still had fear. I still didn’t know exactly how everything was going to work out. I still needed to get up.

But it changed the question I was asking.

Instead of asking, “Is it too late for me?” I started asking, “What if it isn’t?”

If you feel the way I did

If I were sitting across the table from another woman who feels the way I did, I would tell her this: do not confuse being tired with being done. And do not decide that because you are 50, 60, or beyond, God has somehow run out of things for you to do.

Maybe you have spent most of your life being the dependable one. Maybe everyone around you thinks you are doing fine because you have gotten very good at carrying things quietly. You can be grateful for your life and still know there is something in you that wants more. Those two things can exist at the same time.

I also think we spend too much time waiting for confidence. I did. We tell ourselves we will move when we know exactly what to do, when the money looks better, when life settles down, or when we stop being afraid. But sometimes the confidence comes after you get up.

That is what “arise” means to me now.

Get up before you have every answer.

Take the first step while part of you is still scared.

And when that little voice tells you that you missed your chance, remember that the verse does not say, “Arise, shine, if you had your life figured out by now.”

It simply says, “Arise, shine.”

If another woman reads my story and sees herself in it, I want her to know this: I can’t promise that getting up will make everything easy. Mine certainly hasn’t been. But I would rather be scared while moving toward the life I still want than stay exactly where I am because I convinced myself it was too late.

Maybe the fact that you are questioning what comes next does not mean something is wrong.

Maybe it means it is time to get up.